Monday, May 10, 2010

RDM #24 - Confession


As you know, Rainy Day Mondays are a day for me to pull an old post out of the archives.  Today I am taking the opportunity to re-post a piece from one of my blogging buddies.

Stephanie at The Red Clay Diaries started her first blog post by saying “Hi there! I’m Stephanie, and I guess I have something to say. At any rate, I have a place to say it.”  Well, lately she has become so popular that she has been guest-posting all over the blogosphere, so I guess she must have a lot to say, and a lot more places to say it.

So I thought while she was in a giving mood, I would ask whether I could re-post one of her early writings which I really enjoyed, and she kindly agreed.  This post really spoke to me when I first read it; I hope it speaks to you as well.



What is it about the spiritual disciplines that I so strongly resist? I’ve been a Christ-follower for over 30 years. I know how much I benefit from keeping a regular appointment with God. It’s the only reason I get up at 5:30 a.m. every school day — ostensibly to give me time alone to pray, journal, or study Scripture before I have to wake the kids. I’ve carved out a full hour of quiet time every morning.

Okay, so what did I do with it today? Let me tell you: I checked email. I followed an interesting link in an email. I checked the weather. Then I surfed all the Black Friday (day after Thanksgiving) ad sites. I wasted an hour doing nothing of any importance. I only get a few hours a week all to myself, and I used it to play. What is wrong with me?

I know what it is. Let’s just say I have a problem with authority. My mom was a little controlling, and I responded by rebelling. When I was supposed to do homework, I played. When grounded from TV, I snuck and watched it anyway. As a kid home alone, I wasn’t allowed to cook anything – even with the toaster oven – till my teen years. So what did I do as a tween when Mom wasn’t home? I toasted breadAND lit every candle in the house.

Unfortunately, my rebellion usually cost me. I wasn’t even aware of the biggest price until adulthood: an absence of internal discipline. It took external force — or nagging — to get me to obey.

What does this have to do with reading my Bible and praying? I’m still a rebel at heart, and I have to fight for internal discipline every day. Something still rises up within me whenever I tell myself to do anything. I decide to cut back on sugar, and within a week I’m all, “Let’s eat brownies for breakfast! I decide to keep up with laundry by doing a load a day… and days go by without me entering the laundry room. Right now, to get to the utility sink I have to wade through at least 5 loads on the floor. I decide to start a blog on my spiritual journey and THE NEXT MORNING I’m refusing to even think about writing. In essence, I rebel against myself — and probably God. Acting on this temptation only hurts me.

So here goes: I’ll confess it to you (and God) in this posting. Maybe that’ll teach the 11-year-old who still lives inside me that she’s better off just doing the right thing. In the meantime, I hope I find out that I’m not alone in this.

So go visit Stephanie at her site, and then come back and join me in a Rainy Day Monday as well.  You know you want to. 


  1. I know how Steph feels. Sometimes I feel like I am rebelling against myself as well.

  2. As Katdish would say....

    "I'm not the boss of me either."

  3. Hoo Ha Ha! Thanks for letting me expose myself on YOUR blog for a change.

    Wait. That's not what I meant.

  4. Yes, I would say that. Because as much as I'd like to think I'm the boss of me; as much as I fight God tooth and nail sometimes, He's the boss of me.


Say Hoo Ha Ha!