I can relate.
I feel like one of my areas where GOD calls me to serve him is with writing. I am a part-time writer – which is to say a really bad one. In addition to my fiction and poetry, I also write bible studies and manuals, and study guides for books and bible-studies that already exist.
I wish I could say that I feel GOD speaking to me, and that I just take dictation. But for me, sometimes, the process is a little more… painful? strange? scary?
I feel like I get images, and pieces. As if I have had all the ideas shoved into my head all at once, and I have to try and sort them out. At times, drawing a new manual feels like I am trying to keep sixteen plates spinning at the same time, and if I take my eye off one for more than a second, it will fall, and they will all follow.
So I write, and draw maps, and connect Bible verses with pictures from movies and try to fit it into the theme. Sometimes I will be working on a study for weeks before I know what it wants to be about. But when I figure that out: when I find out what the hook, or theme is, suddenly everything falls into place like a jigsaw puzzle.
I think that’s why GOD does it that way. To remind me that it’s not about me, and also to make me work at it. To force me to slave over it every day, until it it perfect, rather than just writing down what he says, like a holy typewriter.
But while I am writing, it can be a wild place in my head. Where I feel like I need to write everything out of my head as fast as possible, before it explodes.
Then, sometimes, I get the whole thing in a flash or explosion. Where I can see an entire play, or idea, at once. And I need to write it down quickly.
A few weeks ago I was sitting by the side of a river at 5AM, having my quiet time with GOD, and staring at the water, when he dropped one of his insight bombs on me. I will be sharing it with you all shortly. The problem was that I was sitting by the side of a river.
With a bible, and a pencil, and nothing else.
So here is the rock I chose to write my latest blog post on. Good luck deciphering the map. If you can’t read it, I will be posting the normal version tomorrow.
GOD chooses some strange utensils.
I should know, I’m one.