Friday, September 4, 2009

It's all about me.

Okay, I'll go first. Sometimes I feel frustrations as a Christian, and especially as a small group leader. There, I've said it. My dirty little secret is out. (or at least number #654; we'll work on the important ones later.)

Don't get me wrong. I love my "job". I love the fact that I get to walk alongside some of the most amazing and awesome people I know. I love the opportunity to wrestle with the word, and try to work it into a form that makes it easy to discuss and absorb. I love preparing and presenting lessons. But sometimes when I spend hours preparing for a meeting on a Wednesday, and then no-one turns up I feel a little... disappointed. When I turn down invitations to dinner and free tickets to shows so that I can be at my bible study, and wonder why I am the only one there. I sometimes feel like I don't know why I do it anymore.

Then I get a little reminder in the form of a question from on high. I'll feel like someone is saying to me "Little Fish, when I called you did I say it would be easy?"

"Uh, I guess not."

"Didn't I mention something about taking up your cross and denying yourself? I'm sure it was there, it wasn't even in the fine print."


"So did you think this was easy? That being a leader meant you could show up each week and impress people with how smart you are?"

"Of course not. I mean... I don't know."

"You want to know why you do this? You do this because I called you, and you answered. You're no better or worse at it than anyone else, but you decided to do it. Would you like me to ask someone else?"

I guess sometimes I forget that. Being a leader in anything means sacrifices, and not just the ones we want to make. I never begrudge the time I spend preparing, because it makes me feel like I'm fulfiling my purpose. I never mind all the reading and studying. None of this feels like a sacrifice, at least not one I mind making. But we can't choose which sacrifices we want to make, that's what makes them sacrifices. We need to remember to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily. It might be hard work, but the rewards are out of this world.

For an interesting post on denying yourself, go to Walking By Faith: caffeinated randomness:: deny yourself


  1. mmm,

    Little fish I feel your pain.

    The pivotal verse in Mark's Gospel (10:45) is quite relevant to this, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." Service sux at times but if Jesus was a servant, and you and I really want to be like Him, then service is our goal brother.

    Of course the context of the verse is also crucifixion but let's stay clear of that as far as possible.

  2. Thank you for the reminder that GOD never promised us it would be easy.
    Blessings and prayers, andrea

  3. You've avoided the sharks so long you've invited a cat to the blog? C'mon, Shark Bait, you gotta keep safe 'cause you got something like 56 more books of the Bible to haiku and I hate when I'm just getting into it and for some reason don't get to finish.

    You must be doing something pretty powerful somewhere for God to be keeping you so humble. (2 Corinthians 12:7) I wish it wasn't so painful, truly I do, Favorite Fish.

    "Be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you."

    I just spent a few minutes praying for you.

  4. Perhaps they were in another room waiting for their leader? :) Just trying to add a little humor to an otherwise very frustrating situation. I would be a tad miffed myself. There, now you and your readers know my little secret too :)

  5. I nominated you for an award on my blog!:)


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