Thursday, February 5, 2009

Higher Ground

And every hour of every day I'm learning more
The more I learn, the less I know about before
The less I know, the more I want to look around
Digging deep for clues on higher ground...
(Higher Ground - UB40)

I used to love this song when I was at school. I don't know whether it was the cool melody line in the chorus, or the fact that the lyrics made no sense. I could nod my head and pretend I understood, and that this was just too deep.

Now, many years later, I think that these words kind of describe my relationship with God. Over the last few years I have been trying to learn more about him, but I find that the more I learn, the less I understand. Or, the more I learn, the harder it becomes for me to understand. As a child I was content with what I had, now as I learn more, I start to realise that God wants more from me, and less. All he really wants is a relationship, and then for everything to flow out of that. So simple, but also so difficult. Following rules I can do. Reading and learning I can do. Being kind to others, well.... I can try. Loving God and wanting him only for him? Can I really? I don't know. It's a hard one.

Over at my other blog I did a post titled "It's not just about the chocolate" in which I talk about the fact that as Christians we need to be focused not just on eternity, and what God has done for us, but also on the now, and who he is to us. At least that's what I was going for, it might just be a post about chocolate. I never can tell.

In theory, the idea that God is seeking a relationship with us first and foremost, and that this is more important than our actions, is so liberating. But it scare me too, because I don't know whether I am up to the challenge. I have never been good at relationships. I am getting better, but there is still a long way to go. So I guess the more I learn, the less I know about before.

But I'm still digging deep for clues on higher ground.

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